our HERO is home!!

i know its a little late but our HERO is home!!! the big day happened a couple months ago and ive been so busy i havent had time to blog...sorry!!:( but here are a few pics of the day!!!!

we are FINALLY one big happy family again!!!!! and i couldnt be HAPPIER!!!!:)

happy birthday!!

Happy Birthday to my Papaw in heaven!! i love and miss you soooo much!!! RIP!!

RIP Granddaddy

We love you!!! We will miss you sooooo much!!!

happy momma!!!

my special little DOODLE said "up" yesterday and im sooooooo happy!! he is doing sooo much more and getting so big! im one proud momma!! he is saying a few more words now and starting to walk along the backcase with help!!:) its so exciting! im hoping by his 6th bday he will be full on running everywhere!!!:) he is such a special little guy and i couldnt imagine my life without him! momma LOVES you Doodle!!!! keep up the good work!!!!

cant stop the tears:(

well R&R is over and it went waaaaayyyyy to fast and all i really wanna do is break his face so that he doesnt have to leave again even though i know that would not really work. i cant seem to get the tears to stop and im in a HORRIBLE mood and just wanna stay in bed all day and not deal with anything or anyone but instead i have company staying at my house that i have to entertain. but oh well i have to suck it the fuck up and deal with it cuz i love my marine more than anything in this world and support him in everything he does. i love you baby! be safe and hurry home! xoxoxo!

struggling.....

ive been struggling BAD lately!! i HATE feeling this way and im soooooooo f-ing ready to be happy again! im 100% over this damn thing.....its not fun anymore. im ready to be a family again!!! i miss you smh!! stay safe! xoxo!

10 years ago today.....

I married the love of my life!!! i miss you babe!! i love you more now then the day we got married!!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! <3

beach day!!

a fun day at the beach= missing hubs even more!! wow can i ever win?!?! oh well im off to bed!! i heart you SMH!!! <3

blah....

well here we are past the 100 day mark and still missing him like he left yesterday!! UGH!! im soooo f-ing over it! i of course have my good days but the bad days seem to out weigh them. i keep telling myself that there is no reason to be sad because it isnt gonna change anything. but it isnt seeming to work. i LOVE hanging out with friends but sometimes its hard cuz their hubbys are there and i feel like the third wheel or i feel like im imposing on family time. i know it could be ALOT worse and i shouldnt complain cuz at least i know where he is hes safe but i still dont like it. i miss him every second of everyday and it f-ing sucks. i think about him constantly and sometimes i wish i could put him in the back of my mind so i wouldnt miss him so much. but that is never gonna happen cuz he is my everything and i love him with all my heart!! but i guess this is what i signed up for so i know i have no right to bitch so im done for now! i LOVE you and MISS you SMH!!!

sad:(

im missing him super extra lots lately!!! im tired of being sad:( i really wanna be happy again:) but i dont see that happening anytime in the near future. UGH!!!! oh well i guess thats how deployments go.....they SUCK!!!!!!!

tears tears tears

I can't quit crying tonight and idk why?! I've had a really good day!! I got to hear his voice last night, I got a really sweet email this morning, I got to spend most of the day with one of my besties and I got a much needed haircut (which I love)! so why all the tears???

maybe it's because I miss him sooooo much! he is my love, my hero and my best friend and I HATE being away from him!:( I just REALLY need him to wrap his arms around me right now and tell me everything is gonna be ok. oh how I wish that could happen. I would give anything to be in his arms even for just one minute! GOD I love that man!! stay safe!! I love you SMH!!!!

half my heart....

well the day happened a few days ago and for lack of better words it SUCKED!!!! i have no words to describe it cuz i dont want to relive it!:( so here are a few pics of the day...in no certain order.

i do wanna thank my besties B and T for coming that morning to help me with doodle and pictures.....i couldnt have dont it without ya!! and i wouldnt be doing it now without you guys!! love ya!!! <3

im sad:'(

:'(......that is all i have to say.......

its February:(

the time is almost here and im NOT ready:( i have done this 3x's before so i NEVER thought it would be this hard (just to get ready to say goodbye) but i was oh soooooooooooooooo wrong:( i just want time to stop but since i know that is NOT gonna happen i guess i need to put on my big girl panties and deal with the situation at hand. but just so everyone is clear im am NOT happy about it!

happy new year...I think not

I am sooooooooo f-ing tired of people telling me to have a happy new year! how can I have a happy year when my hubs is gonna be gone?:( if one more person tells me to have a happy new year or they hope I have a great year I might just punch them in the face!! I know they don't know what I'm going thru but ugh....I'm sooooooo over it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

as i sit here and all the festivities are over for the day i realize how truly blessed i am!! i am thankful for all that i have, for all my family and all of my friends!! i want to be happy that my hubs is here with us but it is hard because all i keep thinking about is that he will be missing all of this next year:( i know that sounds really stupid to worry about it when its a year away but i hate the thought of him missing the holidays next year:( plus he will be leaving sooner rather then later and i am NOT ready AT all! i am also sad for my dear friend B cuz her hubby has to miss the holidays this year:( i know it is part of the life we live but i wish there was a way we could ALWAYS spend holidays together as a family!

scariest thing EVER...

Having to put your baby on a medivac helicopter is the scariest thing EVER. I had to experience that on Friday and I hope I NEVER (or anyone else) have to do that again. THANK GOD he is fine now and everything is back to normal!! The power of prayer is AMAZING!!

what a day.......

FINALLY IN BED!!!!! thats all i can say after a day like today!! i know that sounds bad but Doodle has been soooooooooooooooo fussy today!! i wish he could tell me whats wrong. i feel like a HORRIBLE mommy for being glad that he is in bed but i dont know how to help him when he is like that. i dont think he feels good but of course the doctors office didnt have any appts available today and told me to call back tmrw so thats what i will be doing. im hoping and praying for a much happier baby tomorrow!:)

i LOVE that little guy soooooooo freakin much but sometimes i just wish he could be a typical 4yr old and tell me what is wrong. i know that is NEVER gonna happen but one can always wish right? im NOT saying i would change him in anyway but sometimes i question God...why me? ive been told that God doesnt give you more then you can handle............sometimes im not sure if that is true. dont get me wrong i am HONORED that GOD chose me to be Doodles mommy but somedays are soooooooo much harder than others. He is an ABSOLUTE blessing from God (all my kiddos are) and i wouldnt change anything about him, he is absolutly PERFECT in my eyes!

cant sleep

ive got way to many thoughts going on in my head to sleep and it sucks. im soooo freakin tired but i cant seem to fall asleep! no matter what i try nothing works:(

The Marine Corps Wife

I saw this on a plaque at the exchange and really liked so i thought i would share!!!

The Marine Corps Wife

The good Lord was creating a model for Marine Corps wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said: "Lord you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. Whats wrong with the standard model?" the Lord replied: "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, possess qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40 with an hours notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully, even if she is pregnant and has the flu and she must be willing to move 10 times in 17 years. And oh yes she must have six pairs of hands." The angels shook her head, "Six pairs of hands? No way." The Lord continued, "Don't worry we will make other Marine Corps wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her Marines achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired and be large enough to say 'I understand' when she doesn't, and say 'I love you' regardless." "Lord" said the angel "Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish tomorrow." "I cant sleep now," the Lord replied "I am so close to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can put up 6 unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her husband from a pier, a runway, or a depot, and understand why he leaves." The angel circled the model of the Marine Corps wife looked at it closely and sighed, "It looks fine, but its too soft." "She might look soft but she has the strength of a lion. You wouldn't believe what she can endure." The Lord replied. Finally the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord's creation "There's a leak," she said "Something is wrong with the construction. I am not surprised that it has cracked. You are trying to put too much into this model. The Lord appeared offended at the angel's lack of confidence "what you see is not a leak," he said "its a tear." "A tear? Whats it there for?" asked the angel. The Lord replied. "Its for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear." " You are a genius!!" exclaimed the angel. The Lord looked puzzled and replied, "I didn't put it there."