struggling.....

ive been struggling BAD lately!! i HATE feeling this way and im soooooooo f-ing ready to be happy again! im 100% over this damn thing.....its not fun anymore. im ready to be a family again!!! i miss you smh!! stay safe! xoxo!

10 years ago today.....

I married the love of my life!!! i miss you babe!! i love you more now then the day we got married!!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! <3

beach day!!

a fun day at the beach= missing hubs even more!! wow can i ever win?!?! oh well im off to bed!! i heart you SMH!!! <3

blah....

well here we are past the 100 day mark and still missing him like he left yesterday!! UGH!! im soooo f-ing over it! i of course have my good days but the bad days seem to out weigh them. i keep telling myself that there is no reason to be sad because it isnt gonna change anything. but it isnt seeming to work. i LOVE hanging out with friends but sometimes its hard cuz their hubbys are there and i feel like the third wheel or i feel like im imposing on family time. i know it could be ALOT worse and i shouldnt complain cuz at least i know where he is hes safe but i still dont like it. i miss him every second of everyday and it f-ing sucks. i think about him constantly and sometimes i wish i could put him in the back of my mind so i wouldnt miss him so much. but that is never gonna happen cuz he is my everything and i love him with all my heart!! but i guess this is what i signed up for so i know i have no right to bitch so im done for now! i LOVE you and MISS you SMH!!!

sad:(

im missing him super extra lots lately!!! im tired of being sad:( i really wanna be happy again:) but i dont see that happening anytime in the near future. UGH!!!! oh well i guess thats how deployments go.....they SUCK!!!!!!!

tears tears tears

I can't quit crying tonight and idk why?! I've had a really good day!! I got to hear his voice last night, I got a really sweet email this morning, I got to spend most of the day with one of my besties and I got a much needed haircut (which I love)! so why all the tears???

maybe it's because I miss him sooooo much! he is my love, my hero and my best friend and I HATE being away from him!:( I just REALLY need him to wrap his arms around me right now and tell me everything is gonna be ok. oh how I wish that could happen. I would give anything to be in his arms even for just one minute! GOD I love that man!! stay safe!! I love you SMH!!!!

half my heart....

well the day happened a few days ago and for lack of better words it SUCKED!!!! i have no words to describe it cuz i dont want to relive it!:( so here are a few pics of the day...in no certain order.

i do wanna thank my besties B and T for coming that morning to help me with doodle and pictures.....i couldnt have dont it without ya!! and i wouldnt be doing it now without you guys!! love ya!!! <3