happy birthday!!

Happy Birthday to my Papaw in heaven!! i love and miss you soooo much!!! RIP!!

RIP Granddaddy

We love you!!! We will miss you sooooo much!!!

happy momma!!!

my special little DOODLE said "up" yesterday and im sooooooo happy!! he is doing sooo much more and getting so big! im one proud momma!! he is saying a few more words now and starting to walk along the backcase with help!!:) its so exciting! im hoping by his 6th bday he will be full on running everywhere!!!:) he is such a special little guy and i couldnt imagine my life without him! momma LOVES you Doodle!!!! keep up the good work!!!!

cant stop the tears:(

well R&R is over and it went waaaaayyyyy to fast and all i really wanna do is break his face so that he doesnt have to leave again even though i know that would not really work. i cant seem to get the tears to stop and im in a HORRIBLE mood and just wanna stay in bed all day and not deal with anything or anyone but instead i have company staying at my house that i have to entertain. but oh well i have to suck it the fuck up and deal with it cuz i love my marine more than anything in this world and support him in everything he does. i love you baby! be safe and hurry home! xoxoxo!

struggling.....

ive been struggling BAD lately!! i HATE feeling this way and im soooooooo f-ing ready to be happy again! im 100% over this damn thing.....its not fun anymore. im ready to be a family again!!! i miss you smh!! stay safe! xoxo!

10 years ago today.....

I married the love of my life!!! i miss you babe!! i love you more now then the day we got married!!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! <3

beach day!!

a fun day at the beach= missing hubs even more!! wow can i ever win?!?! oh well im off to bed!! i heart you SMH!!! <3

blah....

well here we are past the 100 day mark and still missing him like he left yesterday!! UGH!! im soooo f-ing over it! i of course have my good days but the bad days seem to out weigh them. i keep telling myself that there is no reason to be sad because it isnt gonna change anything. but it isnt seeming to work. i LOVE hanging out with friends but sometimes its hard cuz their hubbys are there and i feel like the third wheel or i feel like im imposing on family time. i know it could be ALOT worse and i shouldnt complain cuz at least i know where he is hes safe but i still dont like it. i miss him every second of everyday and it f-ing sucks. i think about him constantly and sometimes i wish i could put him in the back of my mind so i wouldnt miss him so much. but that is never gonna happen cuz he is my everything and i love him with all my heart!! but i guess this is what i signed up for so i know i have no right to bitch so im done for now! i LOVE you and MISS you SMH!!!

sad:(

im missing him super extra lots lately!!! im tired of being sad:( i really wanna be happy again:) but i dont see that happening anytime in the near future. UGH!!!! oh well i guess thats how deployments go.....they SUCK!!!!!!!

tears tears tears

I can't quit crying tonight and idk why?! I've had a really good day!! I got to hear his voice last night, I got a really sweet email this morning, I got to spend most of the day with one of my besties and I got a much needed haircut (which I love)! so why all the tears???

maybe it's because I miss him sooooo much! he is my love, my hero and my best friend and I HATE being away from him!:( I just REALLY need him to wrap his arms around me right now and tell me everything is gonna be ok. oh how I wish that could happen. I would give anything to be in his arms even for just one minute! GOD I love that man!! stay safe!! I love you SMH!!!!

half my heart....

well the day happened a few days ago and for lack of better words it SUCKED!!!! i have no words to describe it cuz i dont want to relive it!:( so here are a few pics of the day...in no certain order.

i do wanna thank my besties B and T for coming that morning to help me with doodle and pictures.....i couldnt have dont it without ya!! and i wouldnt be doing it now without you guys!! love ya!!! <3

im sad:'(

:'(......that is all i have to say.......

its February:(

the time is almost here and im NOT ready:( i have done this 3x's before so i NEVER thought it would be this hard (just to get ready to say goodbye) but i was oh soooooooooooooooo wrong:( i just want time to stop but since i know that is NOT gonna happen i guess i need to put on my big girl panties and deal with the situation at hand. but just so everyone is clear im am NOT happy about it!

happy new year...I think not

I am sooooooooo f-ing tired of people telling me to have a happy new year! how can I have a happy year when my hubs is gonna be gone?:( if one more person tells me to have a happy new year or they hope I have a great year I might just punch them in the face!! I know they don't know what I'm going thru but ugh....I'm sooooooo over it!