Happy Thanksgiving!

as i sit here and all the festivities are over for the day i realize how truly blessed i am!! i am thankful for all that i have, for all my family and all of my friends!! i want to be happy that my hubs is here with us but it is hard because all i keep thinking about is that he will be missing all of this next year:( i know that sounds really stupid to worry about it when its a year away but i hate the thought of him missing the holidays next year:( plus he will be leaving sooner rather then later and i am NOT ready AT all! i am also sad for my dear friend B cuz her hubby has to miss the holidays this year:( i know it is part of the life we live but i wish there was a way we could ALWAYS spend holidays together as a family!

scariest thing EVER...

Having to put your baby on a medivac helicopter is the scariest thing EVER. I had to experience that on Friday and I hope I NEVER (or anyone else) have to do that again. THANK GOD he is fine now and everything is back to normal!! The power of prayer is AMAZING!!

what a day.......

FINALLY IN BED!!!!! thats all i can say after a day like today!! i know that sounds bad but Doodle has been soooooooooooooooo fussy today!! i wish he could tell me whats wrong. i feel like a HORRIBLE mommy for being glad that he is in bed but i dont know how to help him when he is like that. i dont think he feels good but of course the doctors office didnt have any appts available today and told me to call back tmrw so thats what i will be doing. im hoping and praying for a much happier baby tomorrow!:)

i LOVE that little guy soooooooo freakin much but sometimes i just wish he could be a typical 4yr old and tell me what is wrong. i know that is NEVER gonna happen but one can always wish right? im NOT saying i would change him in anyway but sometimes i question God...why me? ive been told that God doesnt give you more then you can handle............sometimes im not sure if that is true. dont get me wrong i am HONORED that GOD chose me to be Doodles mommy but somedays are soooooooo much harder than others. He is an ABSOLUTE blessing from God (all my kiddos are) and i wouldnt change anything about him, he is absolutly PERFECT in my eyes!

cant sleep

ive got way to many thoughts going on in my head to sleep and it sucks. im soooo freakin tired but i cant seem to fall asleep! no matter what i try nothing works:(

The Marine Corps Wife

I saw this on a plaque at the exchange and really liked so i thought i would share!!!

The Marine Corps Wife

The good Lord was creating a model for Marine Corps wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said: "Lord you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. Whats wrong with the standard model?" the Lord replied: "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, possess qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40 with an hours notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully, even if she is pregnant and has the flu and she must be willing to move 10 times in 17 years. And oh yes she must have six pairs of hands." The angels shook her head, "Six pairs of hands? No way." The Lord continued, "Don't worry we will make other Marine Corps wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her Marines achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired and be large enough to say 'I understand' when she doesn't, and say 'I love you' regardless." "Lord" said the angel "Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish tomorrow." "I cant sleep now," the Lord replied "I am so close to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can put up 6 unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her husband from a pier, a runway, or a depot, and understand why he leaves." The angel circled the model of the Marine Corps wife looked at it closely and sighed, "It looks fine, but its too soft." "She might look soft but she has the strength of a lion. You wouldn't believe what she can endure." The Lord replied. Finally the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord's creation "There's a leak," she said "Something is wrong with the construction. I am not surprised that it has cracked. You are trying to put too much into this model. The Lord appeared offended at the angel's lack of confidence "what you see is not a leak," he said "its a tear." "A tear? Whats it there for?" asked the angel. The Lord replied. "Its for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear." " You are a genius!!" exclaimed the angel. The Lord looked puzzled and replied, "I didn't put it there."

practice practice practice

well soccer and football have started and my crazy schedule is back!! sister and brother and playing soccer and bubba is playing football!!! they each have practice twice a week so that means mom has "practice" 5 days a week and twice on tuesdays!! we dont have the game schedules yet but im hoping they are only on saturdays! the hubs should be able to help a little more with these practices then he could with baseball and im very grateful for that! when the games start i will be able to post some pics so stay tuned....lol!!

its official...ugh

after being on the list and off the list and on the list and off the list the hubs is back on the list for good. what list u ask?? the dreaded "D" word list...yep thats right here we go again....deployment number four:( i thought i was ready for this but when the hubs told me i wanted to cry and beg him to stay. i know its not up to him and i know this is what he signed up for but its still not any fun. i also know that its still a few months away and i need to not worry about it until it gets closer. i need to enjoy the time we have together right now and just put this stupid deployment in the back of my head but its hard!!! but enough about that i cant sit and stress about something i cant change!!

things that make me happy!

i loved this so much i had to put in my own answers and steal from a friend of mine...thnx T!!! some of the things that make me happy!!!!



The sound of my kids laughing


cuddling on the couch with the hubs

The smell of freshly cut grass


INDIANAPOLIS COLTS football


The color ORANGE

the sight of the hubs getting off the bus after a deployment;)

The smell of the hubs cologne

getting a cute mani/pedi

visiting family

the BEACH/OCEAN

flip-flops

FRIENDS

:-}

SISTER
COMES
HOME
TOMORROW!!!

YAY!!!
YAY!!!

momma needs a vacay!!!!

sorry ive been MIA for so long but nothin new has happened since my last post

my in laws are coming into town next week to bring sister home and ive been trying to clean the house but my boys and hubby are driving me CRAZY!!!!! i feel like im not doing anything right or fast enough or good enough or whatever! i love nothing more than being a mom and a wife but sometimes i wish i could just throw in the towel and quit!!! it is the most stressful job a person could ever have! i LOVE my kids more than i could explain! i also LOVE my hubby with all my heart! i just feel completely overwhelmed and under appreciated right now!!

i would love to be able to go on vacation with no kiddos, no hubby, no cell phone, no nothing........even if its just for one day................MOMMA needs a VACAY!!!!:-}

stupid dreams

i have been sooooooo tired lately and its because im not sleeping. i have been having these dreams that i DONT like at all. i wouldnt even call them dreams i would call them nightmares. the scariest one i keep having is that my baby goes into another metabolic crisis but he doesnt recover. if that were ever to happen that is not something i think i would ever recover from. it is something i think about everyday and it scares the shit out of me.

the other dream (nightmare) ive been having is that my hubs is gonna leave me for someone else. i dont know why im dreaming this cuz i know he loves me and wants to be with me! i think its just my self esteem talking!

but whatever it is i hope they both go away soon cuz im tired and ready for a good night sleep!!

so with that being said PLEASE say a prayer that i get a full night sleep tonight!!!:) night night!!

scariest day of my life

let me start by saying thank GOD that my baby is doing better!!:)

with that being said let me tell u about the scariest day of my life. I wake up Friday morning and Parker (my 4yr old) wasn't acting like himself so i figured he wasn't feeling well. I took his temp it was 95.5 which is a little low but I wasn't to concerned. that is until I tried to pick him up and he was sooooo lethargic that we was like a big noodle so I decided to take his rectal temp (I know I'm a horrible mommy...lol) and it was only 92.1 which is technically hypothermic so we rushed him to the hospital. when we got there the nurse took his temp again and she immediately rushed us to a room and within 10mins there was about 8-10 people in there doing something with my baby. after an hour or so the doctors decided he needed to be transferred to a childrens hospital. he was going to be medivaced out but weather was bad so they sent an ambulance and we proceeded to drive the longest two hours of our lives. as soon as the doctors said we were being transferred to UNC Chapel Hill and being put in ICU I almost burst into tears but I looked at my hubby and he turned ghost white and looked like he was gonna pass out so I knew I had to stay strong and listen to EVERYTHING the doctor was saying. he said my baby was in a "metabolic crisis". for those of u who don't know Parker has a mitochondrial disease called complex 1 definiency. which affects his metabolic system! so the doctors said they didn't know y his temp was sooooo low cuz all the tests they ran came back fine except his blood sugar was a little low. so they think he either had a seizure or it was just that his sugars were off. when we finally arrived at UNC (at 1115pm) Parker was put into ICU for observation. we only had to be there over night because he was starting to act like his normal self again. he is now in a regular room but we will be here a few more days for further testing to determine exactly the cause of his low temp! we have only been here since late Friday night and he has already had a EKG, EEG, and ECHO! we have a MRI and swallow study scheduled for tmrw. will be meeting a bunch of specialists sometime in the couple days to see if anyone can find out the best way to treat out baby!

he gave us and the docs a real scare on Friday but thank the Lord he is going to make a full recovery!

i hate being sick:(

it is summertime and who wants to be stuck in the house b/c they r sick..not me...but i am! my head is hurting sooooo bad (i cant see straight), i cant breathe (very well), im coughing like crazy (feel like i might hack up a lung) but i HATE going to the doctor so im hoping i get better on my own and soon (wishful thinking im sure)!! i really would love to be able to just go to bed and sleep for an entire day and then maybe i would feel better but everytime i lay down i start coughing...ugh!! oh well i guess if im not willing to go to the doctor then i should just stop complaining!!!

im going to the beach tmrw and saturday regardless of how i feel!! the beach always makes u feel better...right??

deployments suck

i hate when my friends or family are sad and today one of my dear friends is having to say goodbye to her love. i know from experience that that is one of the hardest to do. that is by far the worst part of being a marine wife! we are soooooo proud that they fight for our freedom but HATE to say goodbye!:( i know how you're feeling B and i hate that you are sad! i love you and am here for you! i know i keep saying that but i dont want you to forget it! i know we havent been friends very long but i consider you one of my best friends (u too T....lol) and i know we will be friends for life!! you are one of the strongest people ive ever met and i know u will get thru this! just remember its ok to cry, its ok to be sad and its even ok to be mad!!!

maybe im just being selfish....

i have some good news and some bad news! good news is my hubby got baptized on sunday and the bad new is i wasnt there to witness it:( i am soooooo happy for him and the decisoin he has made (i was baptized when i was 14ish) but i wasnt there for him and it makes me worry that maybe he doesnt love me as much as i love him. i know that sounds silly but i feel like that is something u share with the ones u love and i was at home with a migraine. i didnt understand y he couldnt just wait til i was there. maybe im just being selfish idk! but i cant shake the feeling of "maybe he really doesnt love me anymore". i hate feeling this way because i have no reason to. he told me he wished i was there but it was a last minute decision and even if he would have called me there is no way i would have made it. and i think that is what hurts the most...knowing he had at least 10 mins to get ready and he didnt even call or text me to let me know what was happening and then let me decide if i was feeling good enough to go. i would have liked to get some pictures and be the first to congratulate and hug him. but instead i was the last to do those things and that hurts:( today is our 9yr anniversary and i shouldnt be feeling like this. he tells me all the time how much he loves me and would never leave me and he is proud to call me his wife so y cant i believe him? im sure its just my self esteem talking. i know he could do soooooooo much better then me and that scares me.

well i guess im just being selfish and i need to realize that when God is speaking to u.....u listen!!:)

i know i only have 2 followers (i love u 2 for following...lol) and im sure everything i blog about u already now but thnx for letting me vent!!!:)

pics pics pics

we just got home from our littlest hero pictures!! we had a great time and the kiddos did pretty good!! i know we got some really cute shots of our lil hero!! especially after miss B came and cheered him up!! he sure does love her!!:) cant wait to show pics when we get them!!! thanks again B for finding this awesome program!!!

im super excited!!

well today was a much better day!! im am super stoked and thankful that we are getting family pictures on monday!!! thanks to my friend B they will be free of charge!! she found this amazing website that offers families with special needs children family photos for free!! i have been wanting to get some new pics for awhile but havent had the money so now i can check that off my list!!:) cant wait to get them done! hopefully all the my kiddos especially parker cooperate!! we will be going to a park and getting some really great shots...i hope!! thanks again B!!! :-)

on the verge of tears:(

i have been on the verge of tears the last couple days and i have no idea why! before u ask no i am NOT preggers!!:) idk whats going on! i wish i knew how to fix it but i dont! it might be this headache that ive had for 11 days or our money situation or knowing i have family visiting soon and i have to clean the house or it might be knowing my daughter is leaving for the summer in a couple weeks i dont know what it is but its really starting to get on my nerves! maybe i just need a really good cry to make me feel better! well since i dont have an answer to why i feel the way i do im off to bed maybe that will help!! night night!!!

im so blessed...

after getting some really sad news today i am feeling completely blessed with my life.

i got a text from my sister telling me that a friend of ours had a stillborn baby girl last night. i will start by saying this friend is the most deserving person. i have never met anyone that deserves a baby more then she does. her and her husband arent able to have children and have been trying to adopt for many many years but it just wasnt working out. that is until 9 months ago they get a call saying they have been matched with a birth mother and they were soooooooo excited. they found out it was a girl and had decided to name her ashlyn. fast forward to last night, they get a call about 630pm telling them its "time" so they rush to the hospital and "ashlyn" is stillborn. i dont have all the details i just know she died during delivery. my heart aches for her and all the families involved.

it really makes me realize how blessed i truly am. thank you Lord for my 4 beautiful healthy children. i am soooooooo glad you chose me to be jordan, taylor, brady and parkers mom!! :)

i hate that word....

i have decided that i HATE any word that starts with "de" especially if it ends in "ployment"!! yep thats right we are looking at a 4th deployment:( i know its still awhile away but it still stresses me out. i LOVE being a marine wife but i dont love having to say goodbye to my love! i hate that my kiddos have to go thru this again but i guess thats part of being a marine family! i dont know how to feel? do i feel sad, mad, angry or proud or maybe a little of all of them?? i LOVE my hubby sooooo much and cant stand to be away from him for a day idk how im gonna do 12 whole months? i know your probably thinking "well youve already done it 3 times whats one more?" well for starters this will be the longest one, he will miss everything! mine and all the kids bdays, our anniversary, all the holidays...what im trying to say is that in the near future i will be a single mom for 12 full months! ugh!!!

well enough about that!! im gonna enjoy having the hubby here for the next several months! i'll worry about the dreaded "D" word when it gets a little closer!!

my crazy schedule...

let me start by saying i LOVE my kiddos but geez this schedule is about to wear mom out!! with the 3 oldest and the hubs playing ball it is a crazy life right now!! besides my normal motherly and wifely duties here is what my schedule looks like!!

mon-fri:
7:15am- wake up
7:30am- jordan leaves for school
8:00am- take brady and taylor to school
8:30am- pick up joey and james (the boys i babysit) who i love and adore
11:30am- lunch
12:30pm- take parker and james to school
1:00pm- joey nap time
2:45pm- jordan home from school
3:00pm- pick up tay, brady, parky, & james
4:30pm- drop james and joey off

ok thats my everyday schedule now on top of that i will add the rest!!

mon- 5:30pm tay has practice
tues- 5pm jord has practice, shawn (the hubs) has a game or two
wed- 5pm tay practice
thurs- 5pm jord practice, 6pm brady practice and shawn has a game or two
fri- 5pm brady practice
sat- 9am, 1030am, 12pm softball/baseball games, 530pm church
sunday is the only day we have nothing on the schedule

yep you are seeing that right that is 6 days of ball and it is crazy!! did i mention i do all the practices with very little help from the hubs? he works late and therefore he cant help very often! i dont know how i keep my sanity!! i guess its because i wouldnt have it any other way! my kiddos get whatever they want and i would never tell them they cant do something just cuz it might be a lot of work or stress for me! if they want to fly to the moon i would MAKE it happen!!:) i have NEVER been happier then i am right now! i dont know how my life could get much better!!

here goes nothing...

well i guess im starting a blog!!:) ive never really given it much thought but after reading a few friends it seems like something i should have started a long time ago!! so here goes!! i think it will be fun to be able to vent and not have to worry about pissing someone off or making my hubby listen all the time!!:-) just an fyi im not great with grammar but hey at least it will be fun to find all my grammatical errors...lmao!! as u can see i NEVER use caps or any kind of punctuation (except exclamation points)!!! i also use a lot of "text talk" when i type!! i got some VERY exciting news today!! my baby, parker, stood up for 75 seconds yesterday!!! for the ones that know me that is HUGE!! he is getting soooo big and doing so much more everyday! i think he might actually walk this year!! WOW!! it makes me cry to think about how far he has come!! im a very proud mama right now!!:-)